Hey Coach Bill! Sign Dez. Now.

Tom Brady needs just 3,841 more passing yards to become the fourth quarterback to throw for more then 70,000 career yards. But I am here to guarantee you that he won’t join that club this year. No way. No how. Not with the current putrid crop of
“receivers” projected to be on the opening day roster.

He needs help. He needs Dez Bryant.

Before I sell you on the Cowboy castoff, let’s examine the current “talent” with which Bill Belichick has assembled for the greatest Quarterback of all time.

According to the reputable Phil Perry of NBC Sports Boston, Chris Hogan, Phillip Dorsett, Cordarrelle Patterson, Kenny Britt and Matthew Slater are projected to make up the receiving corps in the opener versus Houston.

I’m tempted to write some sort of clever line here but I won’t waste your time. Like the Patriots are apparently wasting TB 12’s time.

Those. Guys. Suck.

Well, not Chris Hogan. When healthy he is a weapon. He had five touchdowns last year in limited action. That number may not seem like much until you realize its three more than the other four “receivers” had combined last year.

The ghost like Kenny Britt, who rarely practices or is even ever seen except at a full moon, amassed a whopping 20 receptions and 2 TD’s between the Browns and Pats last year.

Corrdarelle Patterson with Oakland last year did manage to not drop the ball 31 times, but never in the end zone. No scores.

The Pats gave up Jacoby Brissett for Phillip Dorsett, who would have been cut he was so bad on a crappy Colts team. But The Hood stayed his execution and Dorsett came through big time with twelve receptions while never damaging the end zone turf at Gillette.

And Mathew Slater, who is special teams savant, has exactly one career catch. It was not last year and it was not for a touchdown.

So, if you do the math, that’s two non-Hogan touchdowns last year amongst the whole group COMBINED.

I know Julian Edelman will return in week 5. I love him. But he is 32 years old and missed the entire season. I think he will have some big catches this year, but its unfair to think he will come close to his 2016 stats, a year in which he racked up 96 catches, but only had three touchdowns.

And God save King Tom, despite trade rumors, Gronk is still rumbling around Foxboro. But he can’t do it himself. Think about how much he would benefit from having Dez Bryant stretch the field?

I know the knocks on Dez. Malcontent. Can’t run sharp routes. Demands the ball. But even last year, the season that got him cut in Big D, he had 69 catches (Gronk approves of that stat) 838 yards and 6 scores.

So on a bad team, with a run focused offense, and the worst head coach in the NFL, he still put up better numbers than anyone projected to suit up for the Pats at receiver this year.

I know Reggie Wayne, Chad Johnson, Joey Galloway and others have come to town as veteran receivers and failed. But Bryant could be more “Moss-esque” than those others. Not 23 TD’s like Moss in 2007, but I’d bet you my 2001 Pat’s sweatshirt he’d lead the team in yards and scores.

Bring in Dez. Do it now. Because as Giselle once famously pointed out, her husband can’t throw the ball, and catch it too.

Jeff Solari

About Jeff Solari

Jeff Solari is currently the co-host of the Drive airing from 4-6pm on 92.9FM, The Ticket in Bangor. He is the president and founder of the Sports Chowdah, Maine’s only free, weekly sports e mail newsletter. Recently, he has been a contributor and fill-in host on the Downtown show and for the past two years has been the 5 p.m. host of The DRIVE on 92.9FM in Bangor.